Six Impossible Things: Birthdays on Birthdays on Birthdays

Two of my closest friends call ourselves "Three." How we evolved into Three is a random story - one that involved a writing contest, voting, and comments counting for points. An evening hosted by St. Germain and champagne was on the line, and so we did what we did best ....nearly crashed the website with THOUSANDS of ridiculous comments.

Sadly we didn't win (And oddly as well, because I TOTALLY cheated and had Steve hack their website to make sure that we could run a script to make the site "auto vote" for Team Three every time we clicked our mouses....so obviously the whole contest was rigged. Stupid St. Germain. Shows what they know. Couldn't recognize pure beauty and genius when its crashing your own website).

Even though we never awarded our night of limos, open bars at clubs and hotel suites - we did use this opportunity to solidify the fact that we are THREE. Three has a personality and a persona all of it's own. There is no controlling it. There is no containing it. There's is only subduing/bribing Three into acting like a sane human being (you can ask my husband. We are a perfect vortex of inappropriate behavior, too much drinking, and laughing so hard that no one else can understand what is happening. He's really had to take lessons on how to herd us into behaving).

Well something majestical has happened in the universe.

2/3 of three has a birthday AT THE SAME TIME. Emily's birthday was today. Sam's birthday is tomorrow. Which means that this week is a TORNADO OF BIRTHDAY FANTASTICALNESS.

Today we all took work off, and decided to frolic like the little bunnies we are, in celebration of another year of Three-Life. It went something like this:

We started the morning with coffee.

Well that's a lie. We started by decorating the shit out of my husband's car, to make sure that we were driving around in a My-Little-Pony-Mobile all day long. Cause you know, a regular car just isn't fun enough.

My gorgeous friend Sam. Calm down, she's taken. I know, it's a bummer.

To go along with the Ponies, we grabbed some basic going-out-accessories. You know, the usual stuff:

Sunglasses. A hat. You know..

THEN we got coffee:

With all of the accessorizing and coffee taken care of, we headed out to brunch:

Ok, this part is really funny.

Yes, we're those annoying girls who showed up to breakfast with mardi-gras beads and mini-glitter cowboy hats. Most of you hate us already (like we care).

But the waitress takes one look at our Ryan Gosling face cut outs (cause those are ALWAYS a good idea), and this conversation happened:

Waitress: "Oh, is that your boyfriend?"

Emily: "Why, yes. He is ma - boyfriend."

Waitress: "Ooooh, he's soooo cute!"

Emily: "Yea, I'm a pretty lucky girl."

Waitress: "But it's your birthday! He couldn't come out with you girls for your birthday? Is he working?"

Emily: "Yea, he's working."

Waitress: "Well, that's awful! He should be out with you! He works too hard."

Emily: "I know....I know....but rumor has it that he is taking a break soon. He needs a break from his job."

Waitress: "Well good! Tell him next time I want to see him here with you!"

Emily: "ME TOO."

Hahhahaaa. This. Was. Priceless.

From there I ate about 2.5 pounds of pancakes, eggs that I swear were made with copious amounts of cream cheese and heroin.

So basically breakfast was a win.

Next, it was onto a new-found Three tradition. DRUNK TARGET SHOPPING.

I know, I know. The idea of shopping at target while intoxicated has never occurred to you. Well, let me tell you my friend - this has become a birthday tradition that I will HIGHLY recommend. To participate in this amazing past time in your own life, simply follow these basic steps:

1) Start with a travel mug

2) Add in champagne. I recommend that you split a bottle with your birthday person. If you don't live in an area where public transit it readily available, adjust your consumption rates accordingly.

3) Enjoy your shopping trip! I recommend that you have a "Safe Word"set up, so that if you notice your shopping partner spending their entire life savings on nail polish and Papyrus greeting cards, that you can steer them into safer financial decisions.

The rest of the day involved our usual shananigans: driving too fast on windy roads, listening to the radio way too high, and eating WAY more cheese than one person ever should. In a whole year.

See? That's a lot of cheese.

Let's just suffice it to say that Three is out of control. In the best-most-amazing way. I love these girls more than I love pizza. And if you know me, that shit is deep.